The hard, dark things always seemed to make us feel better. Take, for example, when Bob ate Dotty’s nose. There we were in their kitchen,...

Me: Do you think Sasquatch is real? AI: I don't think Sasquatch/Bigfoot is real as described in popular culture. The scientific consensus...

I'm just a Baby lamb That's what I am That's what I do I'm so much cuter Cuter than ewe I like to frolic real fast With the other baby...

I’m running from lava, and there is nowhere else to go but to the sea. I am sure-footed from years of repeated escapes, but still, I have...

My keys, my keys Behind the wicked glass Locked inside my car It happened all too fast With mail in my mouth And both arms full An...

Ode to My Wallet (Original ca. 1996)

by Julien Lowenfels You try screaming “Zan Blandella” into a headset over the sounds of churning margarine. You just try IT. There’s...

by Julien Lowenfels He threatened all of us with a tuning fork but at the moment was pointing the twin forks directly at my face. He said...

She’s throwing tasty hunger-nades as she sails now toward the final abyss, chucking them behind her while she’s waving goodbye with her...

By Julien Lowenfels PigBoy is what they called me. It took those vicious teenagers forever to stop. There is nothing worse than waking up...